Monday, July 7, 2014

Dealing with and Understanding Meltdowns *Link*




Through out life, those with differing brain wiring or genetic composition, have to assimilate for the majority. Some issues simply need more awareness, preparedness and understanding. Take meltdowns... The following link is extensive and crucial. I could not have written/ expressed and explained meltdowns better myself nor am I going to attempt to.  

I have been accused as manipulative, bossy, controlling or harshly grumpy when I was simply in the throes of a genuine meltdown and doing quite well considering. I also can come across quite witchy when overwhelmed. The following link impressively covered every kind of meltdown and the reasoning behind the brain’s reactions without boxing anyone up.

One of my children bawls his eyes out often thinking he is a mean person…when he is the nicest, truest, purest heart I know…he just has lots of meltdowns and is still learning about himself. This link is VERY important to read for engaging with anyone who is Neurodiverse. Meltdowns tend to happen with differing genetic conditions and different brain wiring too:


Highlights taken from the above link at inneraspie:

 "I can list a few different general types, and triggers so that you might be able to gather some info from here to possibly compare to your own situation. One thing that I heard once from a behavior specialist is that a meltdown is like a seizure in that you cannot stop one once it's started. You can make one worse, and you can prolong it's effects, but once the brain has reached that tipping point it is over. You can't unspill the overload, which is is to me what a meltdown is. It is an acute reaction to too much happening all at once, in which the brain has no way to cope, or contain. The excess must go somewhere. From what I can gather there are three main categories of meltdowns. Sensory, Executive functioning mishaps, and Emotional."
***
"Sensory: This is probably the most common. A meltdown caused by too much sensory input can be sudden, and out of no where, or look like a pot slowly about to boil over. A noise that barely bothered the person last week suddenly seems to push them over the edge this week leaving everyone confused, at best, and accusatory (as in viewing the autistic person as if their reaction is geared towards manipulation) at worst. "
***
"There's so many factors that play into this type of overload that it is hard to even catch it all here in this paragraph. There are some noises, and sensations that always overload some of us, and there are some that we can tolerate if we are having a good day. There are some that we can tolerate for awhile on a good day, and some we can tolerate alone, but not mixed in combination of other sensations. Sleep, hunger levels, and something as simple as one tiny routine change, or confusing social encounter that day may all lead up to usually tolerable sensory experience being intolerable.
That subject is too involved to add to this entry, but the only 'way' they're trying to get is for the sensory climate to change. It's a matter of self preservation, which is not the same as a child throwing a fit for a candy bar at Kmart. Allow the person their human right of being overwhelmed, and expressing that. The more you learn what induces meltdowns the better you can help the person who is having them avoid situations that they will likely occur, and the more you respect the person having one the more safe they will feel sharing with you what they need. The autistic person needs to trust that you will keep them safe, and that includes their sensory system."
***
 " He is 12 now, and is pretty good at dealing with surprises, and typically is more flexible than I am at handling routine changes.I must note, I was brought up in a chaotic environment where no consideration to my need for sameness was ever given. Any upset that I may have expressed over wanting something to be the same, and planned out was viewed by my parents as manipulation, and they would purposely withhold whatever it was I was requesting to show me I 'wasn't the boss'. I cannot explain how much damage this did to me anxiety wise. Please, don't do this."
***
"If you are with an autistic person when their routine suddenly changes be calm. Don't try to explain to us how we're being unreasonable if we begin to get upset. Calmly, and kindly let us know what our options are. How can we proceed? We need to know that, and sometimes need a minute to process it all. Try to warn us of any changes way ahead of time. Respect that it is hard for us to process change at last minute."
***
"Also, please be as consistent as you can..... Odd as it sounds, too much happy can also cause meltdown, too. It is an emotion after all, and too much of it at once can be too overwhelming for us at to process. I find this kind of positive overload to trigger a meltdown that occurs after the event that made the autistic person so elated, happy, or joyful."
***
"Meltdowns should never be punished. Ever. This includes taking privileges away via behavior charts like color cards, ect. Children typically do the best with the skills they have. If they're hitting others, and such behaviors that typically means they need to learn a better coping skill, or need support in their current environment that they currently don't have access to. I see this a lot, and it really, really upsets me when parents punish their child for basically being autistic. Usually, I hear the parents tell them they 'need to make better choices'.When this happens they miss an opportunity to teach them how to advocate for themselves, and learn important coping skills. The child learns their well being doesn't matter, and that they can't win. Finally, meltdowns happen. In my opinion, it's part of being on the spectrum. Learning how to deal with them when they happen can mean the difference between having a small hiccup in our day, and having an all out total chaotic mess that leaves everyone  totally exhausted. You cannot reason a person out of a meltdown, so please don't try. We know we are out of control, and not making sense. There is nothing we can do about it while in the middle of a meltdown.

Please journey on over to this link and read the rest of the wisdom:
http://inneraspie.blogspot.ca/2014/06/helpful-guide-to-understanding-meltdowns.html


*To see more thoughts on Autism/ Aspieness click on the Autism/Asperger's label below or Sensory posts ( I have written about the process of sensory overload in my Halloween and Thanksgiving posts:http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2015/11/explaining-sensory-sickness-and.html http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2015/10/sensory-overload-on-holidays-like.html)







This is by Samantha and SO good for Aspergirls. I would highly recommend for any who wish to understand women and autism to listen while doing chores or watch during downtime:


Thursday, July 3, 2014

Natural, Sensual Menstruation...or Ways to Make Menstruation SLIGHTLY better

Every human being is connected to mothers, sisters, women friends, or daughters ect. If you are not a woman... you are dealing with one in some form. Menstruation, simply put, SHOULD be an earthy, creative, and sensual  part of the calendar but for some it is tougher than others (see my label PMDD on the side for more in that regard.) As in any other area of life, marketing has cashed in and told women what is 'appropriate' and 'convenient' for them to use during this time. Despite the serious health risks involved, women continue to use the products unaware of the disservice (not to mention strong odours) that they are adding to their bodies. But there is hope. With a bit of education, awareness, and yes, POSITIVE facts about menstruation the dangerous cycle can be turned into a beautiful cycle once again or at least more comfortable...

As a woman, I am personally insulted by the way mainstream media wants us to cover up traces of womanhood yet expose the ones that are deemed worthy.  Keep the breasts ~ Hide the 'show' of a fertile body. Dispose of our 'garbage' ~ Reap the sensual benefits. We are more empowered and educated than marketers portray. This is nothing to be embarrassed of. Similar to birth mentality, education, natural awareness and support can create life- long, beautiful, raw experiences for women. The fact is, despite that menstruation can bring pain, exhaustion and vulnerability to women, it also brings raw appeal in some cases.

In environments of natural lighting, the moon controls a women's cycle. That fact alone points to the beauty and mystery of the woman's body. The moon also controls the world's water bodies. This varies from calm to destructive- depending on the process. The same is true for menstruation. Menstruation can be sexy, or at least at times, it can be somewhat more comfortable. I would have never said that before switching to healthier alternatives. Simply put, it feels like underwear and not yucky plastic. Depending on the heaviness of your flow, and if you need a heavier pad, it will feel like padded underwear but STILL underwear!

 After 3 - 6 months of my body adjusting and cleansing I actually felt slightly more empowered during my time. The first time I wore my gorgeous bamboo cotton design I knew I would never go back. The pad was supple, comfy and matched my underwear. They even have thong sizes available! I felt in tune with my body. As I rinsed out the pads for the wash, I was not disgusted at all. (I have a blood phobia, so I thought this would be a big deal. It took a bit to get used to.) Sometimes, I don't feel like rinsing, but on those days I throw the pads in a metal canister filled with cold tea tree oil water (3 drops) or vinegar until the next day. My bathroom smells like essential oils and my garbage is left without that fishy smell. By the way, the fish smell is from the chemicals in disposable tampons and pads. Once your body de-detoxifies you will not have that odour ever again.

Menstruation should be, at the very least, a beautiful time to relax. There is a book called 'The Red Tent' ( by Anita Diamant) that I would highly recommend. Also the book "The Orgasmic Birth" is a book that changed my birthing experiences forever. My third child had a wonderful birth compared to my first. These books changed my perception on birth and menstruation. 

In ancient times when women cycled around the moon they would go to the 'red tent' to live out the menstruation. The ladies were waited on by the younger gals as they just relaxed and chatted about life. This gave them a huge respite every month from their duties. Women in those days did a lot of the hard labour so this time was a welcome change. Their monthly visits brought them together as a community. I believe that this time of month is a break from all the demands put on women today. It is empowering to embrace the fact that we are strong, capable women who allow ourselves to indulge and rest. We allow our body to 'make show' of our potential capabilities in birth and life. Our life blood helps run this world. I don't see men shushing sperm talks. This is even bigger. 

Although menstruation has it's definite downsides, it also has some aspects worth celebrating. It should be a time to rest and relax...to stop pushing ourselves to perfection. It should be a time of embracing our messiness. Menstruation teaches that what feeds life also causes pain.  It is also a time when women can be more verbal or emotional. I feel this is important as often women do not allow themselves to anger or boundaries. Some of the best necessary endings in my life happened when I was menstruating and was more brave to express.

My husband was actually the progressive one who pushed me to try this alternative. I was having a horrid time with my cycle, experiencing extreme cramps that required prescription medication and I felt ugly. I am happy to report that SOME of that that has changed. Instead of yucky packaging clogging up the bathroom drawers I have two bags full of clean adorable cloth options. I feel cute, fresh and healthy. However, natural therapies, massage and learning about PMDD and Endo management were the other parts of the puzzle to making my pain more bearable. I stopped the prescriptions and due to Endo I am still in extreme pain for three days, so I still need natural therapies and I still suffer. I can't go out. I do not plan anything on my crucial three days and I tend to be bed ridden...but I still try to hold a healthier perspective and having cute pads helps or at least the pads are "perspective reminders" for me.

There are two main alternatives to disposable pads. The Diva Cup ( Link here) and organic cloth reusable pads. Both are healthy, safe, and comfortable. Both make a better world and a better YOU. I promise after 3- 6 months you will smell better, the bathroom will feel cleaner, and you will be more in tune with your body, empowered, healthier, and even experience less cramping from the toxic cleanse. Because of the way blood staying in your body can cause toxic build up the cloth pads are the better option overall. However, the Diva cup is handy for swimming ect. In this article I am going to focus more on reusable pads. There are many makers of these and I have found a few companies on Etsy to be the best. (I did a trial of 7 different companies. The ones that are organic or have a bamboo liner with flannel are the best choices. Bamboo is a natural disinfectant. Don't order velour !) The Epicerma Mother Moon Pads Link Here (Now under the name Green Betty Organics)  is excellent for medium to heavy flows or overnight. The pads are elegant with pearl buttons and snazzy colours. (Top picture) Randumosity on Etsy is also  excellent for light to medium flow and have cute options to choose from. Site Naturally Hip has cute thong pads,  light days and wet bags for convenient travel. The best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun...AND these ARE Fun!

***
A few facts on disposable (AKA plastic) pads and tampons taken with permission from: http://verticalchallenge.org/goddessmoons 

"For Your Health-The plastic and glue backing on disposable pads greatly reduce air circulation, creating a stagnant environment in which some bacteria thrive. This can cause odour and exacerbate any pre-existing vaginal irritation. This plastic sheeting also causes perspiration, sometimes rashes and other irritations, and can leave you more susceptible to yeast infections. Many women report allergic reactions to disposable pads, most likely caused by bleaching residues.
Low levels of dioxin have been found in almost every major brand of tampon (except 100% organic cotton). Dioxin is a known carcinogen and has been linked to cervical cancer, breast cancer, endometriosis, and immune system suppression. There is much scientific debate as to whether there is such a thing as a “safe level” of dioxin exposure. For more information on dioxin, please see the Dioxin Fact Sheet, prepared by the scientists at the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences (NIEHS).
Most women are aware of the risks of Toxic Shock Syndrome with prolonged tampon use. What many women do not know is that the bacteria that causes TSS is naturally occurring in menstrual blood. When the flow of menstruation is cut off and held in the body, this bacteria has the opportunity to proliferate to toxic levels. TSS can cause serious physical impairment and even death.
“WE’LL ABSORB THE WORRY” -- Rely tampon ad
Approximately 35% of the fluids absorbed by a tampon are not menstrual blood, but natural body fluids produced to moisturize and cleanse the vagina. Tampon use can also increase the propensity for yeast infections.
“Our only interest is in protecting you.” -- Tampax ad, 1972

Final Note-After WWI, Kotex marketed the first disposable menstrual products. They were hailed as sophisticated and liberating, and were priced out of the reach of the average woman. They were marketed much like as baby formula, playing on the negative social attitudes of the time, towards women’s bodies. The disposable menstrual products industry used this fear and ignorance of women’s sexuality to propel their products into the mainstream. Women were assured that they could effectively “disguise” the fact that they were menstruating if they used disposable products, and could neatly “dispose” of the “waste”, leaving no trace that the shameful act had occured.
Hundreds of millions of dollars have since been invested by the disposable pad and tampon companies to try to perpetuate the misconception that menstruation is dirty and must be kept well concealed.
“Never take your purse to the john” -- Tampax television ad aimed at teenage girls, 2000.
 None of the major tampon or pad manufacturers have ever offered a safe, environmentally sound menstrual product. Why? Simply put, there’s a bigger profit in selling you disposable products that you’ll have to purchase again and again and again, at ever increasing prices.
“Your shame is their gain!” -- Goddess Moons, 2001"
 
* If you have any questions about switching sanitary products, care of, or additional issues please feel free to email me.




 

Post addition ( used with permission) from http://verticalchallenge.org/goddessmoons:

*"Our Environment- It has been estimated that women use approximately 11,000-13,000 menstrual pads or tampons each, during their menstruating years. Most of us are aware of the environmental disaster created by disposable diapers, yet the problem with menstrual products is far greater! Disposable pads, panty liners, and incontinence garments are almost exclusively made from wood products. This wood often comes from ancient old growth forests, which are NOT a renewable resource. When old growth forests are clear cut for pulping, entire ecosystems are wiped out, only to be replaced by a tree farms. In the processing of this wood pulp, thousands of tonnes of sludge and harsh contaminates such as chlorine dioxide are released into our waterways, causing untold damage to wildlife and human health!
"Every major brand of tampons is made of a cotton/ rayon blend. In the bleaching process, organochlorines are formed such as dioxin, which is often released into ground water. Almost every single menstrual pad and incontinence garment has a plastic backing and a layer of adhesive, both of which will last for generations to come in our landfills. Many also contain additional chemicals to enhance their absorbency. Tampons often come with a plastic , or plastic coated wood fibre applicator. These applicators not only have a long life, but they also get to do a bit of travelling! Both tampons and their applicators do not decompose in sewage treatment systems like other organic wastes. They often cause these systems to get clogged, and end up released into the ocean still intact. Sewage treatment systems that rely on chemical means only, leave tampons and their applicators virtually unaffected. Thousands of tampon applicators wash up on coastal beaches every day.
For Your Pocket Book $-Disposable pads and tampons: If the average woman uses 11,000- 13,000 pads or tampons, then 550 - 650 boxes of 20 at an average of $4.00 US/ $6.00 Cnd. per box, equals a grand total of $2,400.00-$2,600.00 US/ $3,300.00-$3,900.00 Cnd.!! Now that’s not including panty liners! Goddess Moons: With a life span of about 10 years, if you spend $33.50 US/ $50 Cnd. Per starter kit three times, you get a grand total of $100 US/ $150 Cnd. Now if you want to live like a real Goddess, and not have to do laundry at all during your moon time (because you’re too busy doing inner work), you could purchase two starter kits, three times in your life for a total of $200 US/ $300 Cnd."

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Suggestions to Meet Desperate or Ordinary Needs *Repost**

Original comments found here:http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2013/03/suggestions-to-meet-desperate-or.html



When you need a break:
Find a quiet place and challenge yourself to spend fifteen minutes simply breathing. You can afford fifteen minutes.

When you are suffering bodily ill:
Breathe. Tell yourself that you WILL get through this...eventually... somehow. Take your supplements. Drink water. Buy some plants to cleanse your air. Switch cleaning chemicals for normal vinegar, soda and tea tree oil dilutions. Rest. Slowly walk. Slowly stretch. Consume anything that you can keep down but try to keep it raw or clean...or dark chocolate. Take an Epsom bath for fifteen minutes. Call a friend. Revive your spirit with a happy song. Honour what your body asks for. Listen. Contemplate.

When your mind begs for peace:
Reach out to a friend in need. Help somebody. Give some inspiration. Make something beautiful. Give of yourself and you will briefly find your peace.

When your mind begs for challenge:
Be your change. Create a forum. Create a group of people who would never otherwise meet. Do not make the goal of closeness, make the goal of acceptance and growth. Keep your tone merciful and your knowledge in balance. Humility involves confidence and gracefulness.

When you are looking for something that lasts:
Stop looking and start BEING. Nothing lasts here except the love we give and get. Yet, even those good times will feel temporary on this planet. Instead of getting down about this, mourn losses and celebrate victories. Party with those who are happy and cry with those who are down.

When you are barely surviving:
Ask. Those who ask - receive. Ask until someone answers. Ask for your needs. Ask for someone, anyone, to breathe moments for you. When they tire, ask someone else. Do not feel guilt. You too will gain strength and then you must be the one who answers.

When you look in the mirror and see nothing of value:
You must write to your best friend. Picture the one you love most in this world. Write what you see in their soul and what you wish for them. Then realize that you also need to have these thoughts for yourself. Paste it on your mirror and change the person's name to yours. This note is for you, first and foremost. If you can see these attributes in the one you love- you must also see them in yourself. In order for those you love most to find the love in themselves, you must also find yours.

When you need activity:
Sigh. Stretch. Sing. Dance. Walk out the door. Walk around the block. Stretch. Sing. Sigh. Dance into bed in the style of My fair Lady. Thank your muscles by slowly releasing with thankful thought each one ... as you lay cozied up.

When you are lonely:
Honour that place. Is the Universe asking you to sit with yourself? Is there a painful growth that needs to be done alone? Are you meant to think for yourself first? OR Are you alone because you made the wrong choice without regard for others? OR Are you simply alone because often in this unfair life we all are...but in that fact we are together. Be comforted. Find anyone who will listen to your loneliness. Find belief in something and talk to the Being or thought. Know, none of us are truly alone yet we must all bear this burden at some point...in this you are united with others.

When you are bored:
Learn. The last thing you need to do is sit on your duff thinking nothing appeals to you. In this moment nothing will. Until then find something to learn. Look up a word on the net. Find a reason to help end poverty. Research a syndrome. Understand your human counterparts. Find some meaning in a well worded book. Teach someone about something. Learn how to calm anxiety. Learn about differences. Seek knowledge. Find anything to learn about. Life is short. Fill it or allow it to flow. Sit in boredom for awhile if you must. Perhaps it will give you more gratitude when something captures your attention.

When you are feeling forgotten by all of your friends:
Ask yourself: "Have I forgotten to email back before? Did I ever receive a phone message and be extremely excited to hear from a person only to forget about it for weeks? Have I missed dates and get together's simply because I got caught up in life? Did that mean I loved this person less? Of course not!" Then apply this knowledge to yourself. Perhaps they did forget about you and you need to make yourself heard. They can not think of you all the time.
Or you need a few new friends to fill another role? Friends fill different aspects of us. It is important to have a few different friends. It is important to love them all differently and not be jealous because we all have different parts of our character that are brought out by different people. It does not make anyone less.
But more likely, if you are feeling forgotten, you just need to give yourself and others grace. Grace and time.

When you need water:
Buy a fountain and feature it in your home. Make a commitment to water your plants, your soul, and your body. Fight to protect natural marshes and man made places of appeal. Send thank you notes to all the places that keep the water pure.

When you need trees:
Plant one. Plant one in your yard and pot one in your home. Watch the Lorax with the kiddos. Drive to the forest once a year. Share your love of trees and nurture growth in your community.

When you need beauty:
Make some. Find a new song and send it to your friends. Link up a photograph. Paint your face or feet. Find a treasured cast off in a second store and reunite it with it's purpose. Watch a well done film. Feed the homeless. Laugh with a child. Remember the wrinkles in a loving parent, grandparent or role model.

When you miss your friends:
Tell them. Make sure they know why they are unique. No one else can ever be them. Honour that by giving words of affirmation any chance you can. It may seem mushy but our hard lives need mush. We need more softness. We need more gentle light. We need more hope. We need more affirmation. Give, give, give, give...one day they will be gone forever and you will loose a piece of yourself in them. Until then, honour with your words. Honour with your gifts. Write.

When you need a hug:
Give one. If no one is safe... buy a stuffie. I am not even joking. Find a beautiful, soft animal and pretend you are buying it for a child. Go home to your secluded safety and hug tight. Those who sleep with something to hold are found to be less stressed and healthier. Cry and honour your inner child that begs to be held. This isn't weird. It's why children love their soft toys. You were once that child.


When you want to end it all:
Don't you dare. You are a valuable, unique, undiscovered work of art. Someone will see that if you give them a chance. We need you here. You are here for a reason. There is something that only you can give...you are soul worth BEING. Find someone who can believe in a stranger. Find some kindness. Be some kindness. Talk and keep talking until somebody listens.

When you are taking advantage of someone:
Remember we all struggle. It's ok to ask. It's ok if you are a person who needs more aid. Just make sure to give back to somebody somehow. Try to give the same consideration to the person you are asking much of. BE grateful always. Move on if they become bitter. While it is true they must own their boundaries and own their attitudes, you must respect theirs as well.

When you feel anxious:
I am sorry. There are no set answers for this one...well for any of these actually. These are just some suggestions to trigger your life choices. But in each situation, there is a part that is choice and a part that is not. You must recognize what is truth for you. In all things choose grace, redemption, love and forgiveness. It is a constant mindset. A constant changing. For anxiety- you must find grace. Someone or yourself to help you see some perspective. Someone to legitimize every crazy thing you are feeling...and then to give you a hand into a bit of light. Sometimes this takes a professional. Sometimes it must be sleep. Sometimes this means Cognitive therapy. But mostly this means TIME. Anxiety is hell but it does pass. Center yourself in the storm and find whatever works for you to quell the quivering fears and frightening threats. (Check out my link here for more: http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2014/01/defending-and-understanding-anxiety.html)

Remember Gandhi's words;
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." But lower your expectations and be graceful yet strong within your change.