Ha. My blog titles are long winded and kind of hilarious. I think my titles are the biggest indicator that I don't blog for money. Weirdly enough all the themes in my title are woven together for a fairly cohesive post. I think. It's all connected in my mind anyway.
I call Sam my aspie virtual twin. She writes what I wish I could or what I have written before, or thoughts that have been literally in my head in the same way they have been in hers. It's weird and awesome. Even though she is highly individual and I do not negate her own personal experiences, I see much of myself also in her writing. I know other aspies/autistics and of course we share commonalities but we are as diverse as 'normal' people. We are snowflakes. With Sam, however, I feel as though we have more common beliefs on life than most people I meet (dear Sam- I have never asked- are you an INFJ? Maybe that is it?) Regardless, Sam just wrote a post called 10 ways to assist your Autistic Loved One here: https://everydayaspie.wordpress.com/2016/05/08/10-ways-to-assist-your-autistic-loved-one/ and I highly suggest, if you want to understand someone in your life who is Autistic, or you are yourself, it's worth a perusal. I am not going to repeat her information because she wrote it clearly and concisely and did justice to the ten points. I am, however, going to add a few thoughts I have had of late.
(My other Aspie girl)
There are few places Autistics can truly be themselves in our current culture. See my previous posts on Ableism found in the Aspergers/ Autism label on the side. The importance of ONE place to belong is crucial. I am lucky in the fact that my home, my husband and my children are the place I can BELONG. Despite some challenges I would never 'get rid' of my autism. It's part of me. I am who I am with autism. Just like I am who I am with grey/ green/blue eyes. I have learned beauty and brutal from disabilities and abilities alike. I am a unique parcel of individuality. Those who love me for this are my team. I don't expect understanding elsewhere because I realize the world comes with cultural context. Our culture has not been coached on ableism nor have our civil rights come far on disability- even from the kindest of people. I don't even expect others with similar neurological wiring to feel the same because I remember the beginning of my journey. I remember some of my own ableist mindsets and even grief upon learning that I would never be 'normal' but now I embrace this with all of my being. But it took wonderful mentors, other aspie blogs and beginning to know myself to get to where I am today.
Still, the world is not the safest place for someone with the levels of sensory overload and differing perpsectives I have. Since I was little I despised the movie and the book 'Alice in Wonderland'. It creeped me out. But as I mentioned before HERE Lewis Carrol had wit, imagination and a penchant for crafting profound words. In the newer Tim Burton films I related to Alice. I realized it is because I often feel like Alice in our world. To me normalcy looks like Wonderland. I don't fit. I often feel a tad mad. Which is why, when one walks into our home- they come across this quote, "'Have I gone mad?' 'I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the Best people are.'"
I firmly believe in holding on to what makes you unique. I don't want to lose my muchness. I also want to honour that in others. Let's pull out our collective and individual imaginations...the lovers, the bonkers, dreamers, bohemians, eccentrics, and all those with childlike wonder.
This last year I have chosen to focus on other pursuits besides forms of advocacy. It is what has been needed, but every now and then, I think it's an important reminder - to put out there- that autism makes individual people who deserve to be loved for WHOM they are and treated with respect. As I wrote HERE "Let's get this myth out of the way first...we actually do not wanted to be treated "normally". There is a difference between being treated with understanding and dignity and being treated like every other normally wired person. We are NOT wired normally so there are exceptions to our treatment. This is true in the medical world so it is going to also be true in the social world. We DO want to be treated with the SAME respect regarding our gifts and weaknesses that normal people do but this does not translate into being treated "normally." In my experience "normally" means being forced into experiencing some sensory torture or having others be inconsiderate about the fact that eye contact feels painful."
Yesterday, on Mother's day, my husband experienced his first mother's day without his mom, which is why I felt guilt at first, when I realized it was the best mother's day I had ever experienced. When I searched my own guilt, I realized why my day was the best one. B
My kids also view me in a really rare lens. I am the weirdest mother. I don't make them meals and I show them all my flaws- they are my friends. I am very Lorelie ish (Gilmore Girls) and have been since they were young so I think it just makes them accept me. While I also make sure my gifts benefit them and someone else makes up for my lack ...it IS remarkable and I love that my friend noticed. My favourite part of Mother's Day are the home made cards. This year I received these:
This is by Samantha and SO good for Aspergirls. I would highly recommend for any who wish to understand women and autism to listen while doing chores or watch during downtime: